Change...

Have you ever found yourself frustrated….banging your head up repeatedly against the same brick wall…
If in doubt.. look out for the warning signs etched on the faces of those closest to you as you begin to complain about the same tired issues…
Not to mention the heightened level of frustration you feel as you become increasingly disempowered by the status quo..
There seems to be an innate tendency in everyone to cling to the familiar…NOT to walk away… the strength of this tendency varies from person to person but is seldom (if ever) altogether absent ..
We fear change.
And yet no growth is possible without it. . a choice not to change is oftentimes a choice to stagnate
why do we resist change…?
Why do we cling to the familiar…..so often afraid to let go..?
The truth is that all change (even “pleasant” change) is characteristic of some level of discomfort.
And since we are mostly ruled by our emotions (..another topic…) we’re generally going to stay where we are rather than experience the pain and discomfort of doing something out of the ordinary..
What we seldom understand is that sometimes … imperceptibly …ironically…..our comfort zones have become our discomfort zones..
so strong is our urge not to rock the boat that frequently we will choose to stay and suffer than to change and grow…. Like frogs in slowly heating water we’ll hang around while the temperature rises ..
and so.. tragically… many never indulge their need to change.. be it a physical move…a reassessment of a basic belief or even a critical self examination … instead we remain… boiling in our soup of discomfort and frustration .. until it slowly cools into regret...
.. regret from the realization that we’ve spent our one shot at life frozen in the proverbial headlights of fear..
the irony?... The pain of change is transitory..temporary….it lasts only until the new becomes the familiar……but the pain of stagnating… that is infinite…
We’ve all heard the mantra…. Short term pain.. long term gain…you see pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice..
So today I urge you. Look at your cauldron of frustration… ask yourself what needs to change... do you need to change your outlook….your attitude…..your beliefs… your job… your life???
Take that first step.. have the courage to feel the fear…face the challenge … ..and recognize the value of those rewards which lie wrapped in the unfamiliar... just beyond the horizon ….
Because it’s never too late.

Courage...

On learning of Mathew’s death I am often told by people that I am courageous.Right from the start this well meant compliment has never landed comfortably ..
My usual response is a clumsy attempt to explain how this loss does not automatically qualify and define me as more courageous than the next person….
You see, I never willingly volunteered for these circumstances. They happened on me as they invariably will, in some guise or other, on most of us eventually.
The bare truth of it is that if you love you are always just one phone call away from your knees…and that ,on the time horizon of life, my loss is therefore completely vanilla flavored …common to all lovers..
The thrust of what I’m saying is that loss is not voluntary…had I volunteered for the grief , then I could feasibly accept the badge of courage many are so willing to pin on me. .but having had little say in the circumstances assigned to me I have no option but to decline the medal…
You see no love is possible without the experience of loss. .
The key to who is truly courageous… who should get a medal at the end of this journey….has a lot more to do with love than it does with loss..
Because choosing to love...truly, genuinely love. .. that IS voluntary…
Loving another soul …. a child.. a spouse… a friend … involves consciously exposing yourself to the possibility of loss…making yourself vulnerable in the greatest way possible… assuming responsibility and accountability to another...and to yourself…
To love requires selflessness…and discipline… and hope…
To choose to love another is to exercise courage...
So ... today… I am handing the medal of courage to all of you who have chosen to love….
…those of you that have extended yourselves beyond the limits of your own souls and invested in the souls of others… those who know what it like to step out of the boat and live at the fringes of our existence where love alone can bind us and allow us to truly connect … a place where intimacy and companionship and comfort and pain and loss all exist simultaneously.
After all this is what we were made for.
This is where we were created to be.