Notes on Life

(For Shannon and Matthew. A working document in no particular order of importance)

1. The only way you will ever be happy is when God is at the centre of your life.
2. Learn to be happy even when you don’t get what you want otherwise you will never be happy even when finally do get it. Happiness does not depend on things.
3. The only acceptable attitude for giving is to expect nothing in return
4. God always makes sense. Sometimes he just doesn’t make sense to US.
5. A sense of humour is one of your greatest assets. Get one…and be sure to poke fun at yourself.
6. Hurting people hurt people. Be gentle.
7. God’s character is immutable. He IS faithful, He IS just and He IS loving. That cannot change.
8. “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility” ( Henry W Longfellow. )
9. Make sure you understand the difference between meekness and weakness. And then be meek.
10. Manners, not wealth, maketh the man. Always say please and thank you.
11. With God on your side you are infinitely stronger than you will ever know
12. You can, by an act of your will, choose to be happy and choose to forgive. Act first. The feelings will follow later.
13. Love is not a feeling nor is it selfish. Infatuation is both.
14. When the going gets tough. Walk the tightrope. Keep your eyes steady and keep moving forward. Eventually you will cross the abyss. And you’ll be stronger for it.
15. What goes around comes around. Always.
16. Life is not always a series of happy endings. Be strong and courageous .Lean on God.
17. God often works his Grace through people.
18. Where the mind goes the man follows. Guard your thoughts carefully because they drive your destiny.
19. “It’s a slow fade... when black and white are turned to grey”. ….be uncompromising in your principles.
20. You will never be liked by everyone. Even if you were perfect. Just ask Jesus.
21. Never ever strip anyone of their dignity. No exceptions.
22. Never become oblivious to the everyday miracles that surround you ..nature is full of complex and awesome creations
23. Nothing is big enough that it can’t be tackled one small chunk at a time.
24. Invest in your spirit and the spirits of others. These are the only eternal investments you will ever make.
25. Never apologise for your beliefs.
26. Life can and does change in an instant. Therefore as far as possible celebrate and enjoy the moment you are in.
27. ….and when things are bad know the tide will turn.
28. Make room in your life for good, clean, healthy fun. Have a hobby. Play a sport.
29. We are all innately creative beings. Finding a creative outlet is important.
30. Always be “present” with the people you are with.
31. Loneliness is not the absence of company. It is the absence of emotional intimacy. Don’t mistake the two.
32. Listen more than you talk.
33. You cannot rely on anyone else for your happiness. MAKE your own life and your own happiness. THEN share it with others.
34. Do not speak negatively over yourself or other people. There is immense power in the spoken word.
35. Never prioritise someone in your life who has not prioritised you in theirs.
36. Being playful and open to new experiences keeps you young.
37. Change is often painful but it is equally unavoidable.
38. FACE your fears. If you don’t they will own you.
39. Aside from your spirit, your health is your most important asset. Don’t ever trade your health and your peace of mind for worldly success and riches.
40. Occasionally both people can be right in an argument.
41. Oftentimes someone is wrong. Don’t discount the possibility that that someone could be you.
42. Try at all times and to the best of your ability to be honest with yourself. The lies we tell ourselves are worse than the lies others tell us.
43. Be gentle with yourself. Making mistakes is part of learning and growing.
44. God always loves the sinner. It is the sin he does not tolerate.
45. The Bible is God’s word. All of it. Always test your Christian beliefs against that yardstick.
46. Laughter is healthy for the body, the mind and the spirit. Actively seek to laugh every day.
47. SMILE. Smiles are contagious .They disarm the most hostile of people and unexpectedly brighten somebody’s day.
48. GIVE. Of yourself. Of your time. Of your money.
49. Don’t try to be someone else. You are uniquely and wonderfully created.
50. It is impossible to live a positive life with a negative attitude.
51. A problem shared is a problem halved. Make sure there is always someone in your life that you trust enough to confide in.
52. No good will ever come from feeling sorry for yourself. Ever.
53. Do the right thing. Even when no-one is watching. That’s integrity.
54. Don’t look for trouble. Be a peacemaker. But don’t allow yourself to be bullied.
55. You can never make someone love you. Don’t waste your time trying.
56. Learn to love yourself or you will be incapable of truly loving anyone else.
57. Sometimes we have to leave situations behind when the pain of staying becomes larger than the pain of leaving. Other times we need to stay by the Grace of God. Wisdom is knowing the difference 58. YOU can never change someone. They can only choose to change themselves.
59. Elderly people are not stupid. Never talk down to them. Rather be sure to talk to them and benefit from a lifetime of wisdom.
60. Be gentle to animals
61. LOVE GOD.
62. Death is not the end of the world. Actually it’s the beginning of a new one.x

Change...

Have you ever found yourself frustrated….banging your head up repeatedly against the same brick wall…
If in doubt.. look out for the warning signs etched on the faces of those closest to you as you begin to complain about the same tired issues…
Not to mention the heightened level of frustration you feel as you become increasingly disempowered by the status quo..
There seems to be an innate tendency in everyone to cling to the familiar…NOT to walk away… the strength of this tendency varies from person to person but is seldom (if ever) altogether absent ..
We fear change.
And yet no growth is possible without it. . a choice not to change is oftentimes a choice to stagnate
why do we resist change…?
Why do we cling to the familiar…..so often afraid to let go..?
The truth is that all change (even “pleasant” change) is characteristic of some level of discomfort.
And since we are mostly ruled by our emotions (..another topic…) we’re generally going to stay where we are rather than experience the pain and discomfort of doing something out of the ordinary..
What we seldom understand is that sometimes … imperceptibly …ironically…..our comfort zones have become our discomfort zones..
so strong is our urge not to rock the boat that frequently we will choose to stay and suffer than to change and grow…. Like frogs in slowly heating water we’ll hang around while the temperature rises ..
and so.. tragically… many never indulge their need to change.. be it a physical move…a reassessment of a basic belief or even a critical self examination … instead we remain… boiling in our soup of discomfort and frustration .. until it slowly cools into regret...
.. regret from the realization that we’ve spent our one shot at life frozen in the proverbial headlights of fear..
the irony?... The pain of change is transitory..temporary….it lasts only until the new becomes the familiar……but the pain of stagnating… that is infinite…
We’ve all heard the mantra…. Short term pain.. long term gain…you see pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice..
So today I urge you. Look at your cauldron of frustration… ask yourself what needs to change... do you need to change your outlook….your attitude…..your beliefs… your job… your life???
Take that first step.. have the courage to feel the fear…face the challenge … ..and recognize the value of those rewards which lie wrapped in the unfamiliar... just beyond the horizon ….
Because it’s never too late.

Courage...

On learning of Mathew’s death I am often told by people that I am courageous.Right from the start this well meant compliment has never landed comfortably ..
My usual response is a clumsy attempt to explain how this loss does not automatically qualify and define me as more courageous than the next person….
You see, I never willingly volunteered for these circumstances. They happened on me as they invariably will, in some guise or other, on most of us eventually.
The bare truth of it is that if you love you are always just one phone call away from your knees…and that ,on the time horizon of life, my loss is therefore completely vanilla flavored …common to all lovers..
The thrust of what I’m saying is that loss is not voluntary…had I volunteered for the grief , then I could feasibly accept the badge of courage many are so willing to pin on me. .but having had little say in the circumstances assigned to me I have no option but to decline the medal…
You see no love is possible without the experience of loss. .
The key to who is truly courageous… who should get a medal at the end of this journey….has a lot more to do with love than it does with loss..
Because choosing to love...truly, genuinely love. .. that IS voluntary…
Loving another soul …. a child.. a spouse… a friend … involves consciously exposing yourself to the possibility of loss…making yourself vulnerable in the greatest way possible… assuming responsibility and accountability to another...and to yourself…
To love requires selflessness…and discipline… and hope…
To choose to love another is to exercise courage...
So ... today… I am handing the medal of courage to all of you who have chosen to love….
…those of you that have extended yourselves beyond the limits of your own souls and invested in the souls of others… those who know what it like to step out of the boat and live at the fringes of our existence where love alone can bind us and allow us to truly connect … a place where intimacy and companionship and comfort and pain and loss all exist simultaneously.
After all this is what we were made for.
This is where we were created to be.

Naive

Recently I was told by someone (respectable no less) that I am somewhat naïve.
Naïve.
Me.
Trust me that is a tough one to swallow. And for a couple of days admittedly I beat myself up about it. Quite severely to be honest..

There was a bit of self loathing involved.. visions of myself never having grown up, not being worldly wise, being gullible, susceptible and dare I say it .. a downright fool.

However … and here’s the good bit…

After some serious contemplation I have decided that I do not in fact mind being naïve. Not at all.

In fact I celebrate my naiveté.

You see when faced with the alternative I just wouldn’t want to be anything else.

I have always believed the best of people. Every person.
I have always believed that people can change. Change from what the world and circumstances have made them to what they are destined to be... Deep , soulful people filled with the capacity to love and be loved.

My deepest conviction is that everyone needs to be loved.
Not the modern notions of love – you know the romantic airy fairy variety that fades like the morning mist in the face of adversity..?.. roses, moonlight, champagne, chemistry…
No.
I believe in the lasting true kind.

The kind that loves you so much you can’t help but love yourself..
The kind that sees old people still holding hands after so many years…
The kind that wipes away your tears when life has slapped u so hard your cheeks are stinging..
The kind that believes in you and makes you laugh at yourself.
The kind that accepts you regardless. .. loves you regardless.
The kind that never loses patience…
Always shows respect
The kind of love that is happy to say nothing and do nothing, Just be.
An unselfish love that puts its own needs behind the needs of others
The kind that chooses – yes elects- to love even when the feelings aren’t always there.
The kind of love that breeds commitment and intimacy and trust between two people.
The kind of love that sees it through to the end…
I believe faced with true love every human being can replace a hard heart with a compassionate receptive one.
I believe I should love first, and not in response , and that this pure kind of love can change people.
I believe in forgiveness. I believe in keeping no record of wrongs – downside ?– yes - I tend to forget the bad things and leave myself susceptible to situations and people I maybe shouldn’t
I believe in true love.
I believe in real men.
Men possessing virtue and honor.
Men of solid character.
Men who display chivalry, bravery and accountability
Strong Men.
Men who cherish.
Men who protect.
I believe in sincere and loyal friendships.
I believe in having a compassionate heart. In seeing the best in everyone and every situation
I believe that all things work together for good..
I believe that behind the knots and joins of life is a rich tapestry being woven for His honor and glory
Yes, I believe life is difficult. But I believe with God’s grace we can face all difficulties.
I believe that bad things shouldn’t happen to good people. Even though they do.
Despite the odds I still believe in happy endings…
I am an incurable romantic
I believe in honesty and respect.
I believe in putting myself out there, taking risks, loving deeply and truly.
I am not hard. I am not cynical. I am not dishonest.
I am therefore...
Dare i say it..
NAÏVE

A Man After Gods own Heart

Ironically David - who falied and sinned so many times- is the only one man in the bible referred to as "A Man After Gods own Heart"...
I find it such a comfort that a man with such a poor performance record in so many ways ( ladies man, murderer of Bathsheba's husband , polygamist etc etc ) could still be loved and adored by God enough to call him this.
This study again proves that God looks at our hearts, our emotions and intentions and judges us on this, not on our outward performance and religious track record.
Gods love is unconditional and despite our frailties and humanity

An encouragement for all us sinners out there...

Enjoy

A Man After Gods own heart:

I want to be a man after God's own heart, but how? How does a person do that? Do you have to constantly read your Bible and pray without ceasing? If so, then I will never attain the mark. I am just too busy with work and family to be able to read my Bible constantly and pray without ceasing. I would like to say I can, but I know I can't. But is that what God means by a man after His own heart?

Who did He call a man after His own heart? Let's look and see.

(1 Samuel 13:13-14 NIV) [13] "You acted foolishly," Samuel said. "You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. [14] But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD'S command."

Of course we know that Samuel was speaking about David. So David was a man after God's own heart. Did David sit around reading the Scriptures all day? Did he sit around meditating and praying all day?

Well the Bible tells us quite a lot about David. He was a shepherd, he was a mighty warrior, he was a musician and to his downfall he was a ladies man. That is not to say that he did not read the Scriptures and mediate on God's word or that he did not pray, but he was not locked in a room doing only those things. So we come back to the question: what made David a man after God's own heart?

Was he holy and sinless? The Bible tells us that no one other than Jesus Christ was ever able to live a sinless life. In fact the Bible gives many details of David's life and quickly dispels the idea that he was holy enough to be a man after God's own heart.

We know a few things. He had many wives. We know that he was not always the best disciplinarian of his kids. Take the story of Tamar for example. David knew that she had been raped by her half-brother, but he did nothing. This incident snowballed and almost cost David his life and his kingdom, because Tamar's natural brother wanted to avenge her. We know that David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then to cover it up ordered her husband's murder.

No this was not a man who never sinned or never made a mistake. Yet God still called Him a man after His own heart. So what could be the reason?

Did David always trust God no matter what the situation? Let's look:

(1 Samuel 21:12-13 NIV) [12] David took these words to heart and was very much afraid of Achish king of Gath. [13] So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard.

So although he had faith in God and trusted Him, he was much like us; there were times when he lacked faith.

If David was not a man after God's own heart because he was constantly in prayer and mediation, and not because he lived such a holy life, and not because of his unshakable faith, what was it?

I think there were several reasons David was a man after God's own heart. Some of them are plainly stated in Scripture and some are implied. Let's look at one of the implied reasons first.

After David committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed to cover up the sin, God sent Nathan to him to confront him with his sin. We see the real heart of David in this incident. Many people when confronted with their own sin want to kill the messenger or deny responsibility, or blame others. But look at how David reacted:

(2 Samuel 12:13 NIV) Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."

David could have said, "Well Bathsheba should not have been bathing out in the open." Or he could have blamed the servants who went to get her for him. There are thousands of things David could have pointed to, but he didn't. He confessed his sin with a contrite heart.

It is very popular today to blame our sinful ways on the past. It is the fault of our past hardships, or our parents, or our employer, or the lies we were told by Satan when we were very young. You name it people have used it to shift the blame from their own actions to others. The only thing this does is deny our responsibility before a Holy God.

Now for the plainly stated explanation from Scripture for the reason David was a man after God's own heart:

(Acts 13:22 NIV) After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'

He will do everything I want him to do. Wow, how simple is that and yet how hard is that for us to emulate? David was willing to do whatever God asked him to do. As we have seen David had his faults, but God knew his heart. He knew that David loved Him and would do whatever He asked him to do.

We should live as holy a life as we can and we can live a very holy life with the Holy Spirit's help. We should read and mediate on God's word. We should be people of prayer, praying without ceasing. Yet if we really want to be men and women after God's own heart, we need to start doing what He asks us to do. It is not always easy, it is not always fun and it is often without human reward or recognition, but who do we serve, man or God? Who do we want to please, man or God? Who do we want to think highly of us, man or God?

There are many places in Scripture where God shows us that He wants to use us. I will just quote one because I think it says it all:

(Ezekiel 22:30-31 NIV) [30] "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none. [31] So I will pour out my wrath on them and consume them with my fiery anger, bringing down on their own heads all they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD."

I thought about just quoting the first verse, but without the second you don't get the full effect of what God is saying. Are we willing to be men and women after God's own heart? There is a price to pay but heavenly rewards to gain. Oh how I long to hear Him say that I am a man after His own heart. I pray that you too want that title.

For Shannon and Matthew...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
That you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leaves you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance-I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking.

Loving might be a mistake
But it's worth making.

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out, please, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance... i hope you dance.

I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance...i hope you dance.

Time is a real and constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone

Life is a gift you get to unwrap only once...

Plans...

This struck a chord...thought id share it..
GOD'S PLANS

Some things are beyond planning.
And life doesn't always turn out as planned.
You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world.
You plan to be happy.
You don't plan to be shattered .

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But MOST
times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it
is difficult to understand God's plans especially when His plans are
not in consonance with ours .

Often, when He sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot
choose what God wishes us to carry, but we can carry it with courage
knowing that He will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope
with .

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, He allows pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes, He allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
And sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the
value of everything He gave us

Make plans, but understand that we live by God's grace.

Although they plan, God also plans. And God is the Best of Planners.